His Red Angel
by Kingdom Of Legends
Summary: She was a different Red Angel that crossed the boundaries of his dreams. Dreams he never wants to end. The angel to his heart. His reality changed when she played the Bad Ensign game with him. T rated now.. will change to M rated in later chapters.
1. Mess Hall

The mess hall was loud with laughter and chatter as always. He was sitting quietly at a table alone eating, but mostly watching her. Laughing and being her. He didn't expect any of this. It had been a few days since he, finally realizing her, while his heart decided to beat fast, and influencing his breathing, skin heating without his consent or expectation. He finally found his mind again, wrapped around the truth and meaning of the very word - life. He doesn't and didn't need a distraction. He had the Red Angel and all sentient life to worry about. The entire crew, and well everyone. It all depended on every decision and action they made. He wasn't focused on anything personal. Emotions were never on his list. yet here he was. Making sure he took lunch the same time she did. He never faltered at his duties. He managed to keep his mind and focus in the right moments, however when there was no direct pressure, his mind slipped to her. Her red curls contained during the mornings, afterward they had their own free will. Wild and free. Her babbling, her nervousness, her curves, had intrigued him in ways he never expected. He was careless, he had let his wall and guard down while he was so lost, this must have been while all of this had slipped in and cornered him. That, and while he was working hard on his understanding of the Red Angel and the meaning of everything. He had never experienced anything like this before. Maybe this was why he was curious. This was not his way, but he had to know _WHY_?

It wasn't just the time and situation they found themselves in. It was him in general. He _NEVER_ has done or experienced this before, not like this. He always believed it to be a myth. Something everyone kept themselves busy and occupied with. Made themselves believe it existed. To make up for all the hardship they all had to deal with.

He didn't know where to go from here. _Should he talk to her? What will he say?_ He didn't trust his vocals with this. He felt even more lost than he had before he even met her, but it wasn't like he felt heavy and empty like back then, but more lost without answers to his sudden awareness of questions making their presence known. He knew he shouldn't give in to this. Simply ignore it, like everything that had ever bothered him. But, he couldn't help himself, even if he wanted to. He had to be near her. See her. Hear her. Yes, _hear_ her. Her voice, and to many words guided him, like a northern star to its treasure. Her being was his peace at a sanctuary. He knew better not to stare at her. He felt guilty like he was violating her privacy, but yet, the mess hall wasn't a private place.

Spock tried and failed to clear his head. This was his off time. He had let himself have this moment of simply enjoying her energy, even if it's at a distance. He didn't need much effort or focus to eat lunch. It was illogical to show emotions, even more so to give in to them. He had never even spoken to her face to face. But it wasn't necessary for him to see _HER_. The real her. Words weren't needed. He had his skills, knowledge and the truth to help him profile her. She was perfect and that was the truth. He didn't even need his skills or knowledge. However, it all played a part in his reasoning for ignoring logic. He never thought or even dreamed about feeling something, whatever it was, for someone like her. Not because he thought he was better, but simply because he felt like Vulcan had failed him, and humans don't understand him. There was no balance where he fit in. How would he even approach this? If he felt it suddenly was logical. He would not be someone Tilly would even consider. Not even in her weakest moment. Her chatter to his silence. There was no balance there. _Or was there?_

His thoughts were interrupted so sharply that he was startled when Captain Pike put his plate down loudly and sat down opposite him.

"A penny for your thoughts." Captain Pike said with a grin, and for a swift moment, Pike thought he saw guilt in Spock's eyes before his mask was back full alert.

"It's illogical to gamble something so private." Spock finally spoke and Pike had to bite back his laugh, but his grin failed to stay away. Oh, how he missed Spock.

"Are you alright, Spock? I worry about you." Captain Pike asked, his Captain face back. It was true. He was worried that Spock would lose his mind again. That he doesn't take time to rest and heal more. He didn't have to take it all on his own shoulders. They were all in it together.

"I am Captain. I will figure out who the Red Angel and why it chose me." Spock assured.

"I'm not worried about your duties. I'm worried about you and your health. You do know we are all in this together. You don't have to do this alone." Pike reminded him.

"I do Captain, but we cannot deny the fact that I was the one who was communicated to. I just want to make sure we are not missing anything important that could save us all." Spock said, and Pike knew he had a point.

"Still, I want you to strictly stick to working hours. No more late nights." Captain Pike ordered and Spock's eyes left him and suddenly looked past him when loud laughter erupted suddenly. It was Tilly and the group she was with. Captain Pike didn't have to look around to know this. He was more curious about the sudden look on Spock's face. W_as he flushed? Was that even possible for a Vulcan? Should he test the waters?_

"You know, I'm surprised you came at this hour for lunch. This is usually when the loudest of them all are here." Captain Pike said with dimples.

"She's not that loud Captain." Spock said and regretted it immediately, and noticed the Captain's grin grew wider and his own cheeks grew hotter. _What had he done? Hopefully, the Captain will see nothing into what he said and simply talk about something else._

"I was actually talking about all of them, but now that you've started the conversation with she. Is there someone you have your eye on Spock?" Captain asked dimpled and all.

"No.. N.. No, I was just pointing out a fact." Spock said.

"Did you just stammer?" Captain Pike couldn't help himself.

Spock didn't answer. Instead, his eyes caught her movement. She was heading this way, looking like she's going to leave. The closer she came, the more erratic his heart started to beat, and his breathing increased. He felt flushed too. Captain Pike clearly saw the change. It was unlike any Vulcan to have this kind of reaction and he wondered if he should be worried. But then again Spock was half human. So maybe he couldn't hide that half of him as well as he thought after all.

"Captain!" Tilly said surprised when she walked past their table, and this made her came closer. Spock shifted in his seat, Captain Pike saw it before he looked at Tilly.

"Ensign."

"Oh, I know I'm late with my report Sir, I was just about to send it in, when I was distracted. Sorry, Sir. It will not happen again. I mean I will work harder." Tilly started but was silenced when Captain Pike rose his hand to stop her.

"Ensign, there's no need to apologize, I didn't ask you why I haven't received it." Captain Pike said.

"I know sir, but you know how I get. It's practically impossible for me not to feel guilty. Anyway, I'll leave you two to eat your lunch." Tilly said as she looked between the two of them smiling, Spock felt his heart skipped a beat and with that, she was gone. He didn't realize that he was staring after her, watching as she left through the doors. Not paying any thought to Captain Pike still sitting opposite him.

Captain Pike looked at Spock all with worry. This was a very unusual match. Tilly was… well, Tilly. With her low self-esteem, she needed someone who didn't mind to constantly reminded her of how amazing and beautiful she was. And Vulcans well, they don't do that at all. They express practically nothing, except displease mostly. Rarely and occasionally they might mention a good deed. But looking at Spock now, he clearly has physical signs that he was a different kind of Vulcan. His humanity might just give him hope. He really wants Spock to be happy. He had gone through so much in his life with the Red Angel visiting him since he was a child. Almost dying from insanity. Maybe he and Tilly weren't so indifferent after all. They both grew up constantly hearing criticism and displeasure. Yes, he would have to keep an eye on this development. He would take Spock under his wing and help and guide him to express what Tilly needs to hear often.

Spock looked back at the Captain, who was now leaning back in his chair, arms crossed staring at him like was reading his mind. Spock wished his telepathy didn't only work through touch. He desperately needed to know how badly he had exposed himself. His darkest and most secret thoughts to Captain Pike. To his relief, Captain Pike sat up straight again and resumed his lunch.

"I would prefer it that you ate all your food. Don't make me order you to sickbay." Captain Pike said simply.

"I'm not sick Captain." Spock pointed out.

"But you will be if you neglect yourself even more." Captain Pike said. "We need you at your best." He continued. It was the truth after all. They needed Spock clear headed and well rested to make sense of all the madness.


	2. Airiam

To Spock's relief, Captain Pike had not brought up the subject or anything related since his unfortunate exposure the day before. He decided yesterday after lunch, that he was going to ignore everything. What he was experiencing because of Tilly. It would simply go away. It was illogical. It was a lost cause anyway. He wasn't feeling sorry for himself, simply avoiding the drama. There were more important things to focus on. It was an easy decision to make the day before when he felt naked and stripped from his exposure, even if it were only to one person. It wasn't like he was ashamed of feeling something for her. She's beyond everything he ever dared dream of. It was that he didn't like anyone to see his human side. A side he spent most of his childhood to suppressed. That side was only for the ones he felt worthy. A typical Vulcan reaction.

However today, he felt like he had condemned himself to a lifetime in prison. He felt crushed. This wasn't going away and he knew it was illogical to even think that it would so soon and easily. All he could hope for was that it would be soon enough. Damn, he needed a distraction. It came soon enough when Admiral Cornwell came on board and demanded to see him.

He was sitting there answering her questions. It half humanly pained him to think that people could think him capable of such things, even if he weren't in his right mind. It was right then when Michael walked him and defended him. _Why was she? Was she trying to make up for their childhood? Or was she doing it for the sake of his mother they shared?_ Either possible reasons didn't appeal to him. _Why was he still feeling so indifferent to her?_

His interrogation ended soon enough. He was not going to dwell on his fate just yet. There was still a mystery to be solved, that's all he wanted, but then Michael insisted that they figured it out together why the Red Angel chose him. Their chess game had not gone well. He took out everything he was feeling on her. _Everything._

Spock made sure to avoid all close proximity with Tilly. When he heard her voice he turned and headed in the opposite direction. He didn't want to lay eyes on her. He knew he wasn't ready. He didn't trust his emotions just yet. They were still on a high. It would kill his decision he made right away and he would do something stupid, like talk to her.

He kept busy in Stamets' lab, where he was busy trying to fix the spore drive. An odd place. This was the most likely place to see Tilly, but he knew she was on duty on the bridge so he should be safe for now.

He managed to get his focused back to solve the mysteries around the Red Angel and why he was chosen until the ship went into red alert when they approached Section 31's headquarters and the power went out.

Stamets convinced him to help. It felt great when the power came back on. He had accomplished something. It felt great to feel he had control again. Yet there it was, the pain when Stamets told him that Michael loves him. _Could this be true? Could he finally put an end to one of his childhood's most painful traumas? Was he too hard on her? Maybe it was time to finally let go. _

There was no way he could avoid Tilly now. If he truly wanted to mend things with Michael, he would have to face his feelings for Tilly. They were friends and roommates after all. There wasn't time to think about the logic or any kind of sacrifice he had to make.

Spock and Stamets arrived on the bridge just in time to hear, "..and all on board will die." Airiam said.

Spock suddenly felt overprotective. Micheal…. _Tilly_… Sentient life… Logic? Why was he feeling so conflicted? Why did he have to choose between, logic, Michael and Tilly. All three of those things were now on the top of his list. Which were the most important? Was he losing his mind again? He took a deep breath.

Spock could hear Tilly's was voice deep with emotion, she was crying. She was trying to get through to Airiam. His walls were broken swiftly, there's no way he wants to give her up, however, he felt like he was betraying her. _KNEW_ he was. This was the worst and most difficult decision he ever was... no felt forced… to make. Seeing her… _HEARING_ hear, he felt so lost. He desperately clung to his entire being. The largest part of his life. Logic… Vulcan. No matter what he wants, wish, hope or dream for, he could never be anything than himself.

Sometimes selflessness may linger on the border of selfishness. He could only hope those he respect… _love_ would see the true one from him. The true one he meant, felt and want. How he said things and how he sounded were not always have been the same as he meant. It was only the closest to him that could see the difference.

"Michael stop!" Spock finally said. "It's her or you." He eventually continued. There it was. His betrayal. He was literally telling Michael to kill one of their friends. One of Tilly's friends. _You can only be you. _

When the airlock was opened and Airiam shot into space all he wanted to do was go to Tilly and hold her. It would be stupid. They've never even talked. She wouldn't take it well, especially from him.

The funeral was hard, even for him. Seeing them saying goodbye. Seeing _her_ at her weakest. Her emotions ran so deep. He just wanted to hold and protect her. Tell her everything would be alright. Things he never cared about doing for anyone. He wanted to do it for her.

When everyone dismissed she came up to him. His heart stopped. Tilly's eyes bore into him. She looked angry. Disappointed. He knew why. He desperately wanted to say something. To mend something that hasn't been there yet. Before he could, his past started to loop in his mind.

_"You are helping the human part of me to express." Spock said._

_"The human part of you is so small it won't make a difference in your life." Micheal said. "You are not capable of love."_

_"I am." Spock said._

_"No, you're not. You are Vulcan. You will always be cold and distant, like a moon somewhere. You weird little half breed." Michael said._

Spock took a sharp deep breath, the only thing he could wish for now was not to cry. Why was everything tormenting him?


	3. Bad Ensign

It had been a few days since the funeral and the news she broke to everyone that Michael was the Red Angel. Tilly was in the mess hall, and her mind was filled with him. Tilly had been watching him for a while now all along. Since before Spock joined them on Discovery, Michael talked about him often. She had always been curious about the half-human Vulcan. It wasn't until Spock came on board that she truly became intrigued by him. _Definitely a ten._

She felt hollow. She had been angry at him and wanted to hurt him at the funeral. She wasn't really sure why. She knew what kind of person he was. She doesn't think bad of him and she never took him as apathetic. She always thought there must be a side to him that he doesn't show anyone. What he did on the bridge, he had his reasons, she knew. She thanked whichever divine that holds her back from saying anything to him that she knew she would regret. Even without words, she could see so much on his face. There were definitely emotions there. _Deep_ ones. It broke her heart even more, in ways she didn't think possible since it was already shattered in a million pieces. _He was truly broken too._ She could _see_ it. The way he was looking at her. She had _watched_ him. He had never shown any emotions to anyone. He had to _her_. The look on her face must have hurt him she realized. He had swallowed hard and there was a brief moment where she thought he could cry. Maybe that was the divine that had kept her in check. Their first conversation shouldn't be a fight. Or a battle of verbal abuse. They were better than that. She wanted to apologize to him. She felt like she needed to. She needed to tell him the truth. That she wasn't angry or blamed him.

Michael had told her about what happened on Talos IV, and the memories they had to relive. Tilly truly wanted to speak to him, for the first time. Even after all that has happened, they haven't really said anything to each other. The other day in the mess hall, she approached them to look at him closer. She had to think quickly for a reason as to why she went on about a report. She felt silly. Spock had looked uncomfortable. Maybe she had interrupted a crucial conversation.

Her solitary was interrupted when Joann and Keyla joined her. The past few days had been dark, and changing the subject won't mean they would forget, simply trying to get their feet on the ground again.

"Did you hear that Captain Pike, just made Spock acting Captain." Keyla said.

"He what.. Wait what?" Tilly said clearly she had missed something while she was drowning herself in self-pity.

"Leland is on his way, and there was something Captain Pike, Michael and Saru had to do before they come. With the three of them gone, Spock might not be the best choice, I'm not sure." Joann said.

"Oh no, he's PERFECT!" Tilly's mind flew through her mouth before she could stop it and Joann and Keyla laughed at Tilly returning. They all really needed _Tilly_ to get through this.

"Hopefully they will all return quickly before any incidents." Keyla said. "I would hate to walk through Vulcan criticism." She continued.

"Had you filed your report yet that was already been days overdue?" Joann asked

"Oh fuck!" Tilly remembered.

"Captain Pike had given Spock a list of things he needed to make sure were completed before Section 31 arrives. Looks like you're on the list now." Joann said.

"I always wondered what it would be like playing Bad Ensign with him." Tilly said with a snort. _Where the hell was her divine now?_

Joann and Keyla both looked at her like she was coming down with something. "That was a bad joke." Tilly said. _Why was she making excuses? _ She didn't care what anyone would think of her little crush.

"Talking of which, when was the last time you played Bad Ensign?" Keyla asked.

"Not since the academy, I would never do it now. The academy was well… the academy." Tilly said.

Tilly ate lunch swiftly, the conversation and her faltered filter were making things uncomfortable. She wasn't ready to admit her feelings to them, like her outburst during lunch hadn't filled them in on it all already. She really had to send in her report and make sure Spock received it to give to Captain Pike. This was perhaps a good time to speak to him and apologize to him like she wanted.

Stepping onto the bridge, she was happy to see Joann and Keyla haven't returned yet. Spock, on the other hand, wasn't there.

"Where's the Captain?" Tilly asked pretending not to know. She actually wanted to know where Spock was.

"Not on board, Spock is acting Captain for the time being and he's in the Ready Room." Bryce said.

_Maybe the divine was still over me after all. _ She thought as she walked to the Read Room.

When the door closed behind her, her nerves got a jump start. _Oh fuck, I'm going to give him waves of verbal diarrhea, aren't I? _

Spock looked up from his PADD. He took a sharp intake. The person in front of him was the last one he ever expected to see. But here she was, in all her glory, in front of him. It was a welcoming view. They stared at each other for a moment, neither knowing how to break the silence first.

"It's _you_… hey you…" Tilly's nerves broke the silence first and she thought for a moment she saw Spock's already risen eyebrow shot even higher. "I mean of course it's you… I mean acting Captain... Nice right? Did you think you would ever sit in the seat? I did once, then I mis-understandingly... is that even a word... shouted at Captain Pike. It was this whole fungus thing I had." _Did I just fucking told him I had a fungus?_ "It wasn't a fungus, fungus it was like a spore fungus thing." _Fuck, this isn't getting better._ "Ok, wow… I mean… I meant to come here to finally give my report, I know you are not Captain Pike… you're YOU… I mean… I'm facing danger right on… no no… I mean responsibility. Wanted to send it in person, since I'm sooo late with it." Tilly exploded raised her PADD and pushed the button. "Sent." _PLEASE say something._

_Was she nervous? With HIM?_ Spock couldn't help but feel hope. He knew she got like this, it was usually with Captain Pike that he noticed it, but this was far worse than she ever gave the Captain. He wasn't going to point out the obvious that, emailing her report to the Captain was illogical in person unless what she wanted was to show him she had sent it? No, he wasn't going to say that. She was _HERE_, talking to _HIM_. Even if his mind was still analyzing what she said. _You cannot screw this up!_

"I will tell him you send it and that you came by to do it in person." Spock said. _You screwed it!_

"Ok, thank you." Tilly said feeling silly and took a step back and turned. Her nerves failed her.

"Tilly wait." Spock said as he stood up, desperately not wanting this moment to end. Tilly looked back at him _Did he just called me by my name? It sounded so nice. His voice! I want to hear it again!_

Spock felt grateful that she was staying. He didn't even realize his mistake. Her soft and hopeful eyes bore into his soul. He had to take a few deep breaths to control his heart beating out of his chest.

"Tilly I…" Spock started and licked his lips. Tilly saw his raw unmask face were back, the one had at the funeral. She didn't want to deny him to express feelings with her. She wanted him to know that he could. That she would never judge or expose him. That he could trust her with it. But she didn't want to talk about Airiam. Not yet. It would break whatever this moment was. She didn't want his mask to return. And it might if he suddenly felt exposed to that raw kind of emotions.

"I always wondered how the academy was for you." Tilly said and Spock was taken aback for a moment. He didn't mind the change of subject, but he was failing to see the logic of the academy right now.

"We were talking about the academy at lunch and the game we used to play. Bad Ensign." Tilly continued. _What in the heck are you bringing this up?_ She asked herself. Maybe it was her inner vixen reminded her of her latest fantasy to play the game with him or it was hearing her name from his lips again. The heat rose within her, and it gave her unexplained courage. The game was only as much fun if the circumstances were right. They might never find themselves in this moment ever again. They don't roll in the same chain of command.

"I don't know it." Spock finally said, rolling with the conversation. Any conversation with her would be good to him no matter what she said. To finally hear her talk to him were more beautiful than any nebula. Tilly then made an unladylike snort that she didn't mean to make. She swore she saw amusement on his face. Was she imagining it or was he actually really easy to read? Maybe it was what he said, she expected some sort of illogical expression, only it hadn't come.

"Well, the first thing you need to know is that if you want the game to end, you need to say 'Red Alert'." Tilly said, walking closer to the table.

"If I say that, the whole ship will go into alert." Spock said as he sat back down.

_Was he still not using the word illogic even after she, for the second time, using the word, game?_ Tilly took that as the game was on! Now or never. You have to start fulfilling fantasies sometimes. "The choice is yours." Tilly said playfully. "The game is all about being a Bad Ensign and seducing your Captain." Tilly had said it! Her voice low and seductively. It even made her own heart starting to pick up the pace. She was raw and open to him now.

"So you partake in role play, where one person pretended to be the Captain and the other a Bad Ensign?" Spock asked. "And what exactly do you mean by Bad Ensign?"

Tilly found Spock's innocent questions cute. "Bad Ensign like I've been naughty and didn't do my duties, like not sending in my report on time. And they were real Captains overlooking the cadets." Tilly explained her seductive voice still fully intact.

The shocked look on Spock's face was priceless and his sudden sharp intake of breath spurred her on even more. He was an open book right now. She really wants to see how far he would take this. His eyes were darker than ever. He licked his lips involuntarily. She could see he was waiting to see what was going to happen. He could have stopped her already, but he hadn't, instead, he was actually asking questions. Him, a _Vulcan_. She walked even closer, resting her hands on the desk leaning in.

Spock's heartbeat was in overdrive. Was he imagining her voice? Surely she was only telling him about the game. _There was no way she would play it. _ Spock didn't answer.

Tilly saw his increased breathing and shifting in his seat. She never knew this kind of reaction was even possible for a Vulcan. Maybe it was his human half. Whichever it was she wanted in on it. No _'Red Alert'_, the game was still very much on.

Tilly stood up straight again. She unzipped her jacket slowly. Spock didn't realize that he was looking at her hand, following it all the way down, but Tilly did. _Oh, he's going to get the full vixen now!_ She threw her jacket on the chair and traced the table with her finger as she walked around to get to his side of the desk. Her cleavage in all their glory, clearly visible to him. And oh, did he look, and still was. Tilly didn't mind, in fact, it turned her on that there might be a possibility that he would be interested.

Spock's mind had not caught up yet, he was in a state of haze. A good one. He must be sleeping and having yet another one of his frustrating dreams of Tilly. There's no way this could be real.

"So, how does this make you, a Vulcan, feel? Irritated or _frustrated_?" Tilly said with a higher note on frustrated as she came to a halt next to him. It was only then that Spock looks up at her face again. "Was there logic in sexual frustration?" Tilly purred. She didn't want to use the word logic, but it slipped out. She really hoped that it wouldn't make him snap back to reality again. She really liked this vulnerable Vulcan in front of her. All to her mercy. Spock wasn't wearing his jacket, it hung neatly behind him over the chair and she could _clearly see_ his reaction to her. It made her heart skip a beat and she was very curious to know what it would be like to be with a Vulcan… with _HIM_.

Spock's PADD he was holding slipped out of his hands and fell. Tilly gave him a seductive smile and bent over his lap to retrieve it from the other side of him on the ground. She could hear his breath intake and felt a faint of touch on her tight up over her ass. _Was he touching her?_ This game has gotten real even for her. She really wanted him and he didn't seem indifferent to it as well.

Their minds both snapped back to reality when they heard Captain Pike's voice right outside the door. Tilly doesn't know how she managed to get back on the other side of the table so fast and put on her jacket again. She looked at Spock who himself had stood up and put up his long jacket to hide the obvious.

Tilly was about to leave when the door opened and Captain Pike entered.

"Captain!" Tilly squeaked. "I was just giving in my report." Short and simply, and with that she was gone leaving Spock with Captain Pike.


End file.
